Yes, this is much easier to write about than to practice. But I see this all the time. I’m talking about the guilt that I know college students feel for saying no, for taking time to rest and for having fun. Now, not all college student feel this way, but if you’ve found yourself here, you may be someone who does.
I’ve talked with many students over the years who feel guilty or lazy for relaxing and taking a break. Saying no, resting and having fun for the purpose of having fun should all be normal parts of life built into our regular schedules. They are not rewards for pushing through. They are very much necessary for living a whole and healthy life. Instead, when these things become infrequent, we lose the ability to know how to do them well.
Setting Boundaries
Think about the last time you said no to something. Maybe it was an event someone invited you to or a leadership opportunity within an organization you are a part of. (If you can’t remember saying no, choose one thing to decline this week for a little practice!) How did it feel to turn something down? Did you consult all the people and run every scenario through your head? Did you think excessively about your wording or your reasoning before declining? Did you call your mom every day for a week before actually saying no? You’re not alone.
Here is your permission to not feel guilty turning something down. Saying no to one opportunity means you are saying yes to another, even if that opportunity is just a little extra space in your schedule. You can be thankful that people invited you into something, while also declining that offer. Both can exist in the same space.
Pausing our busy lives for connection with ourselves and others is not something to feel guilty about. These are the things that make life beautiful and meaningful and so lovely.
Rest & Fun
What about rest or having fun? Are these both so rare in your schedule that you find yourself going to extremes when you participate in them? I don’t know, maybe accidentally bingeing an entire season of a show when you meant to watch for an hour? Perhaps a night out that made you swear there would be no more nights out for the rest of the semester? When rest and fun become infrequent in our schedules, we get a bit out of practice and can tend to over do it when we finally get a taste of them.
What would it look like instead to build these items into your weekly schedule? Maybe a movie night with roommates or a day each weekend to just do things for fun? If we see rest and saying no and having fun as a part of the things that we value, because they really do help us to be our best selves, we begin to practice them without guilt. We begin to see how taking a break on a Sunday afternoon or grabbing a drink with friends on a Thursday night actually fuels us up to be our best selves the rest of the week. Pausing our busy lives for connection with ourselves and others is not something to feel guilty about. These are the things that make life beautiful and meaningful and so lovely.
Start Small
So where do you go from here? As with most things I will encourage you to start small. If you are a planner, write it into your schedule. Block off time for rest. Block off time for fun. Look over your calendar and choose one thing to say no to. And then, actually follow through on it! Even if the resting and the fun and the saying no feels so uncomfortable at first. Like all things, it will get easier with practice. Here are some ideas of ways to rest well.
The guilt won’t magically disappear. But as you continue to practice rest and fun and boundaries in your life, you will begin to experience so many benefits that will begin to outweigh any feelings of guilt you may have. Keep practicing. I’m rooting for you!
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